If music be the food of love… (Part 2)
There is a great deal of similarity between romantic love and a career (which is why many people find it hard to be good at both- but that’s a different topic). Take me for example: although music was a childhood love, I dated several other careers before finally getting married to music. Those dates helped me to grow and, for better or worse, become the person I am. In the very least, when I finally decided to make the commitment to music, I knew what to expect (and not to expect) from a career.
To continue the analogy, what concerned me about my student’s decision to quit his day job and pursue a career in music (see If music be the food of love… (Part I)) was that he was madly in love and he was talking about marriage.
Being madly in love is a fascinating and curious state; we tend to idolize the objects of our desire, and ignore any signs that tell us they are not really who we think they are (“love is blind”, as they say).
Stencil Music Man by soul122
Then one of two things happen: a) this remains an unreturned love and we never really get to know the person; the mystery remains and we remain madly in love for a long, long time; or b) a relationship begins and we get to know the person. The natural end result of this process is for us to realize that the object of our desire is not really the idol we dreamt them to be. If we’re lucky, though, we might find that there’s still a lot to like about this person, maybe in ways we had not even imagined. The “madly in love” state will fade, but the relationship may bloom and prosper.
Playing music and being a musician are two quite different things; being passionate about one does not necessarily mean, or guarantee, that you will be passionate about the other. Becoming a musician is like getting married to music. You have to be sure that when love fades, you have something that still ties you to that commitment; something that makes you happy. Something that makes you grow. Then you can have your cake and eat it, too.
My student is still a bit disappointed. I guess that bit of disappointment today is better than a great frustration a few years down the line. And who knows maybe, after a little more soul-searching, he will find that music is his soul-mate; then no one, not even the most discouraging teacher, will ever be able to break his spirit again. Because there will be no other way.
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Reader Comments
As some one who has played piano since 5yo and went to college for Music/jazz. I can say music is a love hate relationship for me. At one point I quit piano for 7 years after a run in with a Beethoven Sonata. It took me that long to realize that I can do something very few people can do. I missed playing, how I felt playing music. Its a life long practice. Oscar Peterson was intimidated by Art Tatum and never wanted to play in front of Tatum.
Music must come from your soul, there must be a black hole type pull towards it. There is always something to learn, or do. Always someone better than you. There will be ups and downs. But the path is what must be the focus.